Hiller and I went a million miles from home to drink. It took 45 minutes on the bus. The plan was to visit strange bars on the forgotten side of Portland. The natives called it “Mock Crest” and it was where the serious people lived. Inside the Two Point Inn, our first bar, the country […]
Category Archives: The Word
Pharmacose dreams and the LeVar Burton Nightmare.
I wanted to share these three stories I sent to the Willamette Week as part of my resume. The application process for being an intern asked for some writing samples and so I gave them this. (Listed in order of increasing absurdity) GETTING TRASHED: If your New Year’s party made more waste than your trash […]
Inherent in the movie “The Trip”, starring British actor Steve Coogan as himself and constantly indulging in self-pity about a life that lacks any objective sense of success in the movie business, are certain ironies that have cycled through television shows and advertising and are now making their way to the big screen. At times, […]
Slumber under lullabies, Then things that smell so sweet. The woman of your dreams came by and said you were asleep.
Now is the time to prepare for The End of Days. I know there are plenty of skeptics for Armageddon 2012–as predicted and according to the History Channel by the Mayans, Nostradamus and the aliens that have infiltrated our culture–and I have had to convert many of my friends. I would like to now argue why […]
I was not aware that snow does in fact, on a sunny day, cause snow blindness and when the snow is uninterrupted , can cause the ground to appear to be glowing with a hot yellow-white that looks like a cartoon gold mine just below the surface of the snow, or the sun twice removed. […]
There a few keys to success if you want work in a factory: 1) Always appear to have work to do. 2) Never take the blame for broken machinery/equipment, even if you broke it. 3) Convince the higher-ups that your job could not be done by a robot.
“…so the guy jumps from the flaming car, I mean flies from it! Well I’ll be damned if the car isn’t heading for the only combination piano-fireworks store in town. The crowd that is looking on is horrified, but what are we gonna do, jump in front of the car? But when it hits, there […]
My consciousness is a lighthouse and my mind the ship. There is no fog, I can see the coast and I am on auto-pilot. The shiny metal pilot drives on the highway or does paperwork at the factory or writes a check for the rent. But the fog settles on the water, they are reunited […]
It's a Beautiful Day I Need a Drink 